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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Food Club Errata

Email sent somewhat past midnight on January 7, 2008
from: Robert Konigsberg
to: Bob Vesterman
subject: Food Club Errata

Dear Mr. Vesterman,

While doing a little ego surfing this evening (Yes, there! I start with a scandalous admission. Googling oneself seems to have become just as shameful as what was probably once known as "googling oneself". I can only hope you recover from the shock to read on.)

So like I said, I was ego surfing, Googling for "Rob Konigsberg". What did I find as the eighth result?

[ ]

I was, of course, amazed. Not only because Bob Vesterman would dare to honor mentioning my wretched name, and that mere honor (even as 'Lost in the Mists of Time') would rank as the eighth most important reference to Rob Konigsberg (why not first?) and not only because Bob Vesterman decided that referencing my name would help satisfy the world's Vesterman needs, but because something like that -- it really makes one reevaluate what's important in one's life.

Now, next to my title of "Lost in the Mists of Time" (how that title sings, sings like the spring birds!) is this phrase: "Rob Konigsberg has attended at least one Food Club, but hasn't been to any since the start of recorded Food Club history (July 29, 1999)." But you see, Mr. Vesterman, now comes the time where I must confess. And this is getting pretty difficult because I'm already emotionally empty from making one difficult confession. I don't think I ever actually attended a meeting of the Food Club. I very clearly remember meeting you at one of [friend]'s parties, and enjoying your company very much. Boy, [friend] and [his wife] sure could throw a party. [friend] had difficulty making it to the end of his parties, but he did a hell of a job through the preparation stage! Oh and didn't [other friend] also fail to make it to the end of that party? I see she's also Lost in the Mists of Time. Oh dear, I'm digressing, and I love to do that, but it's 12:45AM here, and I'm pretty tired. That makes it 3:45AM in New Jersey so you must be exhausted - I'll get back on track. So I remember being invited to join Food Club, and being offered to attend several times, but I never actually made it. Intent isn't quite the same as attendance. And that's too bad because I'm sure they were lots of good fun. And look now, here, it's 2008 and Food Club is still around. I'm a little jealous. The only thing I ever did consecutively for 9 years was elementary school.

So now I am afraid that since I've come clean, you'll wipe my name from your archive: what fate is worse than being forgotten by Bob Vesterman? But I'm a man of honor, and I can't reasonably be credentialed as "Lost in the Mists of Time" without being clear about the basis for such an honorific. After all, look at what happened to the Dean of Harvard University!

That said, I hope the Food Club can prevent this from becoming a scandal. If only I or the Food Club can survive, I choose Food Club.

You might say that this easy to fix: I could attend a meeting of the Food Club. That's a good idea, but I live in California now, so unless you plan to return to Island Burgers in Los Angeles, I'm afraid I'm out of luck. I must pick up the pieces that are the reality of my life, and move along.

In conclusion: Thank you. Thank you Bob Vesterman, for reminding me that it's important to be honest, and that it's OK to Google yourself every once in a while.

I am left with no doubt, my Vesterman needs are satisfied. You've done your job well.

As always, I remain, your faithful vassal,
Robert Konigsberg
[email address]

"... you know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me
twice, shame on The Cheat."
I am awaiting a response.

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