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Monday, August 22, 2005

Childbirth Made Simple



Shilpa Jain showed me this after I asked her about giving birth to her new baby. It's a patent for a device to aid childbirth by putting mothers on a device that uses centrifugal force to help pull the baby out of its mother. Besides the wonderful pictures is this gem:

In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement.

When was this device patentded? 1750? 1800? Nope, 1965.

Palm Springs

Have you ever been to Palm Springs? Holy crap it's hot. There's only one word to describe it, and that word is Really Hot. I'm amazed at how hot it was.

Even when it's cold it's hot. I swear this is an accurate depiction of how hot it was (and my wife backs me up 100%.)

The next time you'll see me there is when I die, and the Devil tells me that Hell is full. Have fun.

Brave New World

I finished Brave New World (1932), after a fifteen year break. The first time, I read only the first two-fifths or so, up to the point where Bernard reaches the New Mexico reservation, but no further. But Saturday, I finished the book and it hadn't quite landed on me of this notion that we might already be living in a world where government creates a stable civilization by making people "love their servitude", as it is said in the forward. It did so my making its citizens perpetually happy and condititoned them to hate solitude. Several hours later, I was in a swanky hotel bathroom in Palm Springs. After sitting there for a minute (there, I said it) I noticed that happy music was pumped in through the ceiling, and I envisioned that was done to keep me from dwelling in my solitary thoughts. OK, that creeped me out.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Comic Strip Generator

Nifty comic strip generator I found surfing Google Blogoscoped. I even made one m'self, but there are plenty of funny and clever strips.

Addendum: Five more strips: some are mine, some aren't.

Mark Jackman: Gigantigest Brain Of All Time

My buddy Tom Rowan is getting married in October, and I'm his best man. Tom also deserves his own posting regarding his greatness, but I didn't just get off the phone with Tom, I got off the phone with Mark Jackman: Gigantigest Brain Of All Time.

Stop distracting me, I'm trying to explain something.

As Tom's best man, I'm responsible for organizing the bachelor party. I wrote an email to introduce myself to everyone Tom wants invited. Before sending it, I wanted to make sure it was well written, so I called Mark Jackman: Gigantigest Brain Of All Time.

Me: "Mark [:GBOAT], I wrote this emal blah blah blah. I need you to give it a quick edit."

Mark Jackman, Gigantigest Brain Of All Time: "OK, give it to me."

Me: "Ready?

Mark Jackman, Gigantigest Brain Of All Time: "Ready."

Me:
My name is Rob and I'm Tom Rowan's best man. I know some of you are saying, "Hey, Rob, how did you become best man? How do I become best man at a wedding?" Well, I'll tell ya. Rather than make the choice himself, Tom staged an "American Idol"-style playoff between all candidate attendants. My acoustic rendition of Chumbawumba's "Tubthumping" (accompanied by kazoo and belly slapping, shirt up) won out over Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who performed an interpretive dance of 'Also Sprach Zarathustra' (the opening theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey). When she glided on stage wearing roller skates, oven mitts and a burlap sack, I thought she was a shoe in, but the judges, (Emmanuel Lewis, Chris Elliott and Charles Nelson Reilly,) all thought that Madam Justice was being tacky.
Mark Jackman, Gigantigest Brain Of All Time: "Who was the middle person?"

Me: "Chris Elliott. Is it funny?"

Mark Jackman, Gigantigest Brain Of All Time: "Replace Sandra Day O'Connor with Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It's wonderful."